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Thursday, October 30th, 2008
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5:01 am - woot
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umm fast update
Darkfall is comin, and holy shit it looks amazing.
No more WoW for our crew, warhammer fucking owns it.
about 100 days or so till me wendy and baby tristan move back to boston. (yes we have a wonderfull 8 month old baby boy named Tristan. see my myspace for more info www.myspace.com/leavingdreams
lololololol rays you suck
obama!
i have a super computer... its .... godly
current mood:  tired
current music: darkfall theme
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| Monday, June 18th, 2007
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6:28 pm - WOAH!!
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I saw a redsox game inside fenway park and found out im gonna be a daddy all in the same week!!!!
CAN YOU BELIVE THAT SHIT???? I WAS SOOOO IN FENWAY PARK :P
More info as it comes folks :)
current music: Green Day Working class hero
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| Wednesday, September 6th, 2006
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6:02 pm - ...
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Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.
- Robert Frost
current mood: tired
current music: Covenant - One world, One sky
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| Monday, August 21st, 2006
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9:51 pm - reposting here cause... yeah...
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some people here that arent on myspace... and this just really means that much to me :(
"alright ahead of time i acknowledge the fact that this is gonna come off gay, but honestly I dont really give a shit if you sympathize with me or not. Life is way to wild of a ride as it is, I dont really need to honestly take your opinions to heart. But I hope some of you do have a heart.
I've been in naples now for 9 days, lots of stresses here and there, Wendy and I trying to get a damn apartment to open up so we can actually be back under the same roof again for a change would be nice. Wendys Trial, and the fact that the prosecutor representing here has changed hands for the 6th? time now I think? Anyway
Theres this bunny outside of my house, I saw him the first day I got here, he's a little white bugger cute as a button, and he had a little nappy spot on his butt that looked like a dreadlock, so therefore I named him rasta rabbit. It was truelly a gift to find something so cute adorable and innocent in days that seem so treachorous and stresseful. Every morning before work, and before the sun comes up, i've enjoyed a cigarette, while sipping my coke and watching the bunny hop through the grass eating. I always great him with a "Mornin rasta rabbit" he pays little attention to me, perhaps a mild wiggle of the nose and a perk to the ears to acknowledge my presence and then contiunes to hop and eat.
Well tonite after I got done watching the william shatner roast with my pop (I know seems sad to you but that shit was hillarious) I stepped out side to have a cigarette, and I look in my driveway and there is the little bunny laying on his side, I first think "What a whacky bunny to sleep on his side" and then it dawned on me. My little friend was dying... and here he was looking at me, helpless. I wonder if he was hoping that I would help him in someway or perhaps he was simply awaiting his transition from this world that he managed to spend a little bit of time in. I'll never know. I couldnt stand to watch him that way I quickly put my cig out and went inside and told my dad... It was really painful that this situation was quite nearly bringing tears to my eyes and I really had to fight hard to hold them back. Stand up straight be a man, especially in the presence of ones father.
I returned after a few moments to find his last gasps and a few strong twitches that wrentched my heart out of my chest... I waited a little bit there hoping that his pain wasn't too bad, and hoping that this was a result of natural causes of some sort, and not the result of some kind of animal cruelty, for my vengeance would be terrible. I hope he's now hoping in greener pastures, and in some silly way I hope he remembers me and understands how strongly I felt for him, for the little time that I knew him. Im thankful for the smile he put on my face every morning, it was a nice sight to see something so innocent and cute before the start of a tough hot day in the sun.
Im not sure what exactly i'll find now to brighten my mornings. When I look at humans I feel so much contempt for them, their wars, their rediculous religeons, their crimes, their hate, their intolerance, and their rediculous blind eye to anything that may cause them some sort of a trouble, even when they could help. Its sad that they may not have known this little furry bugger and experience the simple joy you could get just from seeing him hop with those big feet...
I hope tomorrow will be a better day, rest in peace my little friend..."
current mood:  sad
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| Sunday, August 13th, 2006
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10:55 pm
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Well im too bored to think of anything new to write tonite, and since I wrote something last night that clearly verifies that im in a surly mood down here in naples I figured I would just repost it here. Enjoy
"
NAPLES
It's like a Mason's lodge without air conditioning. Its hotter then hell, im surrouded by really really old people, and they are incredibly rich.
I Took a ride by a house today owned by Gary Alan, a 35,000 squarefoot mansion with a overall price tag somewhere in the vicinity of 165 million. This is why I look at cribs and giggle. The highest and mightiest of hollywood stars live in houses approximately the size of his guest house. And man is this guy cool, and I mean that literally, with the 27 air conditioning units in his basement. And believe me this is not a fabricated or exaggerated number, he really does have 27 AC units in his house.
What I didnt know tho, my dad pointed out to me, he also owns about 14 other houses within 2 blocks of his own palace and a significant portion of the land that he simply will not develop. The neighborhood that this is in is unlike any you will ever see anywhere else, the houses each come in at no less then roughly 50 million a piece including property value, and these homes he basically lets his employee's use/live in. The STAFF that walks his dogs live in a house bigger then most of you have probably even stepped foot in. And he only has 2 children, and he made his money, because he happened to buy the rights to telephone polls before cable was invented, he couldn't afford to develop cable so he let it slip, cable tv was created and suddenly companies needed to run cable wires EVERYWHERE... he graciously leased his telephone polls to the cable providers for a few decades before finally selling the rights all together for a couple billion dollars, He then purchased the controlling stock of time warner or some other such company sat on it for a while and sold it back to them, He's been retired ever since.
So as im sure you've gathered im in the land of the newly weds and the nearly deads. Gods pristine waiting room, where I travel through a town ladden with senators, congressmen, marilyn manson and countless other stars, and professional atheletes. O how I hate being back here, so im going to attempt to find a few upsides to keep myself from going crazy till I either A: go to arkansas for the job B: Wendy and I get an apartment back in tampa in a couple weeks C: Wendy gives up on her job fucking her over every chance they get and moves here, or D: I take a part time job with the grim reaper and start my body count at the closest golf course as I attempt to "Play through" with a Blow torch and a pair of pliers (old people smell funny so I dont like to touch them, hence the pliers)
Upsides:
1) My cat Emmy, my second favorite furry creature (cough)
2) On occasion my dad and I get along great, Im attempting to find the proper set of actions to increase these occasions.
3) The afternoon storms that come off the everglades are amazing
4) My heart goes out to the victims of Katrina and the residents of NOLA, but, I hope that I will be present in naples when a cat 5 hurricane blows through and throws THOUSANDS of Pompous Rich Republican Shit stains into the ocean along with their Million dollar homes. Just doing a rough estimate if a cat 5 hurricane we're to completely annihilate Port Royal/Naples The monetary dmg would surpass any other dissaster in the history of man, and I being the sick fuck that I am would love to be present to witness it, perhaps I'll wander on down to the beach and watch the rich folk wash ashore with sea weed in their ass crack, maybe there will even be 1 or 2 alive that I might be in position to toss a life jacket to, and I can stand there fumbling with my lighter attempting to light my marlboro light in the remaining gale force winds off the gulf.
5) 4 makes me so happy in the pants that im going to sleep with that pleasant thought in my head.
Take care all, Keep hope alive."
current mood: sore
current music: Southpark
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| Monday, August 7th, 2006
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12:12 pm - life and goings onnnsss and onnnssss
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So... uh where to begin. Well alright Wendy and I are finally moving from campus lodge. Now originally we were moving into windwood oaks. However campus lodge is retarded and decided to tell Windwood that we had multiple lease violations *loud parties fights with neighbors etc* Now the dumbfucks KNOW that that WASNT us... But in saying this they fuck us out of our apt, because even tho we got letter from campus lodge stating that we were good tenants, windwood oaks would have nothing to do with it, they said "The damage had already been done" and wanted us to pay a $2k security deposit.
So with one week left till the first obviously every apartment in tampa was full, thus we both got fucked, so I get to move home to papa's house for approx 3 weeks and wendy will be living with her mom till a place opens up, I believe wendy is getting the shit end of the deal on this one, her mom is ... like my mom, just bigger :) And staying with dad for a few weeks aint so bad, especially seeing as I'll be leaving florida finally very shortly (more on that in a moment)
At least i'll get to do some work with dad down their in naples on another monster house that you'll never see with the likes of those tiny cottages on Cribs, Im not joking I've never seen a house on Cribs that even comes close to what we build down there. So a little golf a little sun and some quality time with pop and a nail gun (dodging nails is good for the heart)
As for me leaving shortly, heres the readers digest version, Steves family is purchasing a tourist attraction in Bull Shoals Arkansas, Im being sent up along with Steve to Restore the property to, as close as possible, its original historic value. The place is an old west assortment of House and commercial buildings from the 1800's. There's an old Church, a blacksmith a school house a jail a coffin shop etc, (yes I just became the ultimate goth do you own any of these? No? ok then :)) So the departure time for this will be somewhere I would imagine between sept and oct.
Wendy wont be coming up with me for a while, she is trying to get herself set on Healthplans services work from home team which would allow her to live anywhere and perform the same job, this should be a few months in the making as the company slowly makes a transition to this, she also gets the opportunity to pick up licenses to sell insurance at the companies expense which is a priceless benefit to have.
I will try to keep a photo journal of the project in Arkansas as it progresses. Right now its my understanding that it is in TERRIBLE shape. No one has attempted to keep up maintenance in 40 years even tho it has been open for business the whole time, in my mind I imagine an old ghost town at this point, except the horror movie version. But all in all this will be an interesting challenging project, and im sure that with steve along their will be tons of good times and great updates to give you guys. This is the type of project that makes me quite happy to be a part of, and lord knows i've more then enough experience in this field of expertise.
There also happens to be a Golf course and a very very endangered wood pecker that they thought was extinct, The ivory billed wood pecker, these are things that will be leverage to draw my father to the area on a vacation :) so I shall save the really challenging tid bits for his arrival on vacation, just because I can :) lol
So yea thats about it, lifes been very very hectic, sorry I havent been in touch with you guys, things have just been moving fairly quickly around here...
Farewell
current mood:  bouncy
current music: Tribe - Outside
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| Thursday, March 30th, 2006
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8:34 pm - Greatest email I have ever received
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leaving now... not done, but i really dont want to deal with your exhausted sore wrath. so i'll be home in a bit
bye love!
Wendy Murray
MetLife 2 to 9 Resource Center
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| Monday, March 27th, 2006
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1:23 am
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Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished, as the once vital voice of the verisimilitude now venerates what they once vilified. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose vis-à-vis an introduction, and so it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.
wow man... just wow
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| Friday, March 17th, 2006
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4:20 pm - "This in the united states of america"
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Torture, Deception, Agenda's, Rights and liberties being girted tighter everyday. You give them an inch and they will take everything we have left. Now now I know. Some of you are saying "They haven't taken my rights and liberties away" Tell that to the techno weenie at the NSA who listened to your randomly selected phone call to that 1-900 service. They've used this Terrorism shit to get everything they wanted for a hundred years, at least they are most of the way their to complete control. They can monitor anything they want, and even though this is a public live journal they can even use this as "evidence" if they want to consider me a sympathiser of Terrorism.
I do not agree with Terrorism, which is why I do not agree with this bullshit war, based on a bullshit agenda. Yea we were attacked on 9/11. And we have successfully eliminated every so called enemy BUT the one responsible. We aren't looking for Osama bin Laden, we already beat him, we took his money, collapsed his network, killed most of his people, and all we did was make a martyr of him and his people by continuing to be aggresive towards muslims. Now I know we aren't at war with Muslims we are at war with Terror. But if the enemy agreed with us would they be our enemy? And by that I mean, if I tell Drew that Im gonna skull fuck him because he has a funny nose, is Drew going to attack me cause I dont like his funny nose? No that wont be his reason, his REASON will be he's under fuckin attack, he doesnt wanna be skull fucked so he's gonna try and stop me, and he'll gather his boys around, and say hey
Drew:"This asshole wants to skull fuck me"
Buddy: "Why?"
Drew: "Cause he's an asshole"
Buddy:"what are we gonna do"
Drew: "JIHAD!!!!!"
Now you see, the reason for the attack has been lost and a new grudge has been formed, Terrorist dont believe anymore that we are attacking them because of terror, how could a rational human believe that Violence defeats violence. No they believe we are attacking them now because they are muslim and because of their beliefs. WELL HOLY SHIT THAT CHANGES THINGS DOESNT IT? There are 1.8 Billion Muslims in this world. A fuck ton more then us, and we stand alone. "O but we're trying to bring Freedom to these people" Next time you try to set someone or something free put a weapon in its face and then ask it how free it really is.
And I say we are at war with Muslims because of a couple of reasons. First. 200 Orphans get smoked in a school in russia because of a terrorist attack... U.S. Response? GW nearly forgot to call Putin and give him his condolences. He never offered help, and he definetly didn't take the initiative to bomb that country off the face of the planet. On a side note, Russia wanted support. We disconnected the phone call.
Secondly. im not gonna take the time to look up the number here, but approx a million women raped and killed in africa, and this is not a crime to them, because the war lords control the provinces... Aids runs rampant and Dr's without borders said "FUCK THIS WE'RE OUT OF HERE" So a private group had to give aid and relief to these people, and after a million dollars in lobbying (golf is expensive in DC) The president agreed to give aid to the group supporting the africans with aids, 1 Billion dollars, over 5 years........ Did you know what the budget is for our military everyday? 1 billion dollars. Do you know what the Fiscal year budget for 2007 is? 29 trillion dollars...
Im tired with numbering this shit. In most asian countries one of the hot markets is children in prostitution... im talking 8 and up... sold into sexual slavery, living in heroin dens and giving BJ's to geezers for a nickel... everyday in israel a hundred people die from religeous attacks, but we cant touch israel "Jesus grew up there, and theres no oil... HANDS OFF" N.Ireland attacks run rampant Catholics and Christians offin each other in record numbers. Not that I have a problem with those two religeons making one another extinct. But fathers dragged from their beds and shot in front of their wives and children? The day of the 9/11 attack Israel obliterated a village killing 1400 people, women children men, in their homes with helicopters... Because some asshole wanted a holy temple more then some other asshole.
This list goes on and on, drug lords controling columbia gutting babies to ship coke across the borders, dictators all over the world... And here at home we are becoming less and less free." dont talk bad about the president or your a traitor" "It wasn't the presidents fault for the response in New Orleans, that was Fema's fault" "Elderly people on welfare need to get a job if they wanna pay for their pain medication" Tuition rates rising, gas prices soaring, jobs deminishing, healthcare going up, cost of living, food, we're incorporating restrictions on travel, you cant say bomb, or jihad, or FUCK BUSH anymore, Freedom of speech is only free if its approved of.
This in the united states of america.
When will they take so much from us that we cant go back? When will these first small steps for the feds become their choke hold on the people? They are clever people, they arent gonna come RIGHT out and tell you what you can and cant watch, they start with censoring it, and then bashing it, and then making you feel like less a patriot for watching it, or listening to it, they will guilt trip you till your angry at yourself and say "DAMMIT UNCLE SAM MAKE ME A BETTER AMERICAN" And they will, they will take away those voices who do not speak as one, the one that they speak, they will appoint the people to the supreme court who will agree with them, The control the house, the senate and the executive branch, and because of that they have the majority control of the government... the majority control of each of you, They are rich beyond belief and have never known a day without money, or a job, or food, or enough gas to simply drive around and see this wonderful country that we live in. We can't just drive around anymore, its too god damn expensive all you can think about now is "Damn if I drive to the beach that will cost me 3 hours of work in gas alone"
You ever sit in front of your house, or just hang out somewhere and have a cop walk up ask you whats up, everything ok and then walk away? no... they dont do that anymore whats the first thing they do "Got any I.D.?" they run your life through based on your name and see if they can shake you down for something... Their goal is to check as many people every single day as possible, they couldn't do this before unless they had a reason, JUST TRY AND TELL THEM NO NOW. You will be arrested for obstructing without violence. yes its new folks, homeland security empowered police agencies to run every persons information that they come across with absolutely NO reason. If you get pulled over, they will ask for your passengers i.d.s unless they are a nice guy, which is freakin few and far between.
So, I should go, i dont like talking about this shit, it upsets me too much. I'll come outside when people start saying loudly and without fear of persecution or prosecution, "FUCK YOU ASSHOLES! GIVE ME MY GOD DAMN COUNTRY BACK, GET OFF MY FUCKING PHONE LINE, STOP READING MY EMAILS, STOP ARRESTING PEOPLE ON SUSPICION OF TERRORISM AND HOLDING THEM INDEFINETLY, STOP TORTURING HUMAN BEINGS, STOP KIDNAPPING PEOPLE, STOP KILLING CIVILIANS, STOP LYING TO ME ABOUT YOUR AGENDA, STOP TELLING ME TO BE AFRAID, STOP YOUR WAR OF FEAR AND CONTROL ON YOUR PEOPLE, AND NO YOU CANT SEE MY MOTHERFUCKING I.D." And then burn a fucking flag, not because you hate america but because you ARE an american and its your god damn right to burn the fucking thing if you really want to. Dont disrespect it, our parents/grandparents/great grandparents Bleed for this chunk of dirt. But they did it so you could be free and demonstrate and express yourself however the fuck you felt. THey didnt fight for this country so that we could live in a constant state of war and fear for gods sake, they didnt fight for us so we could torture others or invade countries, they didnt fight so that our leaders can tell us what we can and cant do to our bodies, they didnt want us spied on, they didnt want us to be servants of the government, they didnt want their great great grand children to fight in a war that was based on a lie and they would be fuckin offended to see us not doing anything about it... Just sitting around grinding away blind to the fact that 7000 miles away our brothers sisters mothers fathers cousins uncles aunts are FUCKING DYING in a war that was MADE UP! By an illiterate assclown, with all the speaking power of fuckin downs syndrome baby. My family came to this country for a new begining. The fled from a tyrannical monarchy, and started something new something fresh. They new it wouldn't be perfect but they empowered us to control our own destiny, the president is a servant of the people, elected by the people, for the people. All of the government operates this way, we are not serfs or peons, and they are not untouchable gods who can do what they want... If need be we can take it back, and THATS the fear they should be living in, fear of the people.
We have the power, use it.
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| Friday, March 10th, 2006
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10:57 am
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dear god I sent her a msg. DAMN YOU MEL, AND DAMN YOU TRENT REZNOR.
current mood:  cynical
current music: Nin - Leaving hope
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| Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
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8:29 am - Hello
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So after my last few down trodden posts I guess I might as well say something that isn't poetic. Not like the last one was poetic... at least not in the sense that it would bring joy to anyones ears. So how are you doing world? I see that Drew is having himself a tussle with alcohol and doing well I might add. Good luck with that, this buds for you. I just bailed my mom out of the joint, once again she seems to think she's innocent, and hates me of course for taking too long to get her out. She got drunk again within 24 hours and had some odd ball dude in her house who beat the shit out of her. Glad to know my moms doing well, and that some things never change. The bois in the guild on World of Warcraft are doing well, we're steadily expanding, the growth is nice its definetly fun to see us tackle better challenges, I know for most of you this doesnt mean a fucking thing, but imagine being a recluse, I mean really sit down and think about it 31 days in a month (usually) and you spend about .......... 8 of them out of the house of the remaining 23 days You probably get out of the room about 14 of those. SO seeing something like this grow and getting joy out of it is quite the treat. Everyone is pretty much just hanging in there... trying to move forward without tripping too many times, things are relatively peaceful, I have nothing really special to rant about. I dont watch the news because it upsets me, more then it should, and its nice to not look anymore. I cant change a god damn thing anyway nothing I will ever do or ever say will ever leave me enough credibility to make an impact in this world. Is Bush still president? Actually dont answer that question, I prefer my blissful ignorance :)
Wendys doing good, we live together but I havent seen her much lately, she's had to watch her lil brother while her moms on a cruise and her dad is in Fort myers taking care of her grandpa. I'll never quite understand the amount of paranoia one must have to go through the efforts to make sure a 14 year old can feed himself, but then again it isn't my place to know the why or how. As for the rest of my family... I have family? Well apparently they are still breathing, more then that I really cant tell you. I miss my cat tho,
Sorry if you've read this far, i'd imagine by now you feel pretty cheapened just the unimportant ramblings of someone that most of you cant even begin to understand or for that matter really give a shit about. I know some of you do, I didnt mean to insult you, hopefully your not insecure enough to wonder "Was that directed at me?"
Well another day down, a couple thousand heart beats closer to the big dirt nap. "allah was grand enough to put death at the end of life" To those who wish me to already be pushing up daisies im sorry to say it hasn't happened yet, and you should have just listened to that voice in your head and done it yourself. I guess it was just all that foolish pride that stayed your hand "I hate him I want to kill him, but to hate him would mean that I have to love him, so to kill him would mean I loved him to death" Its ok I forgive you for thinking it, and not doing it for that matter. Hopefully by now you have realised there are worse things in this world then a broken heart, at least for you there are worse things. To the haters if any of you ever read this, or get wind of it somehow, I want you to know that I do miss you, you all had very interesting minds and conversations that I still lament. If you ever feel like soothing a rancor in your heart or mind, send me a message sometime, it would be really nice to get to know you again, and it would be nice to share with you the truth about me, and the things that made me the way I was. And if for some reason you get a call from a crazy lady asking you to take a moment to consider talking to me, Its just my silly wife trying to do what she thinks is best for her husbands peace. Forgive her she only means well.
May you someday realise that doing what everyone expects you to do is boring as hell, and that thinking you can hold on and maybe things will get better is a waste of time. Get out there dammit let them hear you when you say "I cant do this shit anymore, I cant live with you anymore, work for you, cry for you, save you, stand up for you, bail you out of jail, love you, wash your car, take your kids to school, do your homework, fuck you mom, fuck you dad, its my life, who gives a fuck how late I sleep, nah fuck that job it sucked anyway, tell a cop to fuck himself BECAUSE YOU CAN!!! dont be afraid dont let them fuck with you anymore, I may be a recluse but im a recluse cause im not fit for the world, cause i'll go out of my way to tell the world to fuck itself, I wont work for the man, or slave for a corporation or even begin to admit to being a part of a country that would elect a fucking cone head like Bush. I dont wanna go outside because im ashamed and disgusted. I look around and seeing a million fuck tards living life like shit aint wrong, or that their doing something so god damn good and right. And if I hear another motherfucker tell me how proud he or she is of themself because they went to work with pneumonia im gonna cave their fucking head and give em a good reason to finally stay home from work for once. What the FUCK goes through these peoples heads? "I haven't taken sick time in 15 years, or missed a single minute of work, even tho I would get paid for it anyway, I can work with a sinus infection with a buncha mindless fucktard lemmings. Why would I wanna stay at home and get better faster when I can go make 10 bucks an hour while my bosses make 50? My company treats me really well, I love my boss he's so great, I would take a vacation but really I love work so much why would I want to be anywhere else?" *BANG* shut the fuck up
Skip work smoke a butt, lay around your house naked and scratch your goodies for a while, take a step back and actually THINK about your fucking life... What do you REALLY want out of being here in the first place? Their probably isn't shit afterwards this is all you got, right here right now, AND you dont even have a god damn clue how long you'll be here... You could be in traffic tomorrow next to a flat bed carrying 10000 live chickens when it freakishly tips over falls onto your car (which random acts of chicken accidents aren't covered in your insurance that is valued so highly) and you survive the accident but while in the hospital from the glass cutting your head and chicken shit landing all over you, you come down with an incurable cross between the avian flu and toxoplasmosis in which you spend the last days of your life eating jello in an over funded but under caring hospital, and the last thing you see before you kick off to the great hunting ground in the sky is david letterman doing the top 10 alone in your cold ass room with those terrible fucking hospital sheets. Your transition will be to the sound of ekg's beeping and nurses talking about how shitty the 3rd shift is, and all along you'll be thinking, "Had I taken a couple of extra days off, just to sit and home and read my book alone and undisturbed by the bullshit of my job, or friends, or family, or the politics that stir so much frenzy in my world, Maybe I would feel a little bit better about the absolute indignity of my passing this evening" I only hope that as your about to die you dont think to yourself "My god, how is my department at work gonna function without me on monday" I'd rather you think, "I hope someone takes care of my cat, cause thats the only fucker who had the right idea about life" Live it to its fullest folks, but stay the hell out of trouble, Cause a grand theft charge on a golf cart could very well land you where I am, they wont even let you go and kill people in the name of your own country if you do that. And if your in school DONT LEAVE not until you have 10 degrees cause your never gonna get a job, the equivalent of having a highschool diploma in 1960 to now is like having a double doctorate in economics. The only exception to all of this psycho babble is this: If you have kids, kill yourself to give them the very best that you are capable of, by make sure you balance it with spending time with them, show em that you love them, dont tell them to often cause they hate it when you do that typa thing, do spontaneous shit for them, if you people were only as creative with your kids as you are when you try to get someone to fuck you, your kids life would be so god damn fulfilled.
Take care of yourselfs and avoid chickens at all costs.
current mood: Bitchy (lol)
current music: NiN - Right where it belongs
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| Tuesday, February 21st, 2006
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9:57 am
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I am called upon by old demons. I cast them away as fast as I can, but they keep coming. Behind every door, around every corner, but worse yet in the reflection in my mirror. I stand beneath the sweltering heat of my shower, eyes closed begging for these visions to leave me... but with a raging cruelty they just smile and keep on coming, relentless and unbearing, and completly unforgiving to my pleas. These shadows have been with me for so long, that im not so sure I would feel complete if they were to flee. I tried to drain them once or twice and yet they remained, and now I am left with reminders up and down my arms, symetrically straight lines pale and lifeless, a hundred individual voices that scream as loud as the rest. They come in waves marching straight into my senses and leaving me spent and exhaust. I never stop fighting them but they always win over... Sometimes I try to drown them but they just swim so fast and become angry that I tried to extinguish them... Sometimes I run and try to hide but like hounds they find me.
You could find me beneath any stone or in the corners of the darkest alley couldnt you? When I do run you dont stop me you let me keep running but make it harder, like running in a dream where you feel as though your running through the water. Such a cruel hatred and deviance to harm me? When will my penance be fulfilled or will I never meet your expectations of displeasure? If I surrendered what would you do with me then? Would you continue to bat at me like a cat hoping that I would seek the chance to flee from you when you weren't looking? Will you continue to scream inside my mind so loud that the future can never be heard? What must I do to be free from you? You, this insatiable unkillable army of days gone past looking to gain no new land or spoils but simply to acquire casualties. How did I let things come to this? I thought you would simply smolder and go out, but you built up so much more, collected so much fuel and used my inexperience to fan your flame till you consumed so much of me that nothing could be saved from your inferno of whispering madness. "You did this to yourself, you earned it all, it was your role to be born into this and you simply aren't strong enough to rise above us, but instead you made it worse for yourself. So many you hurt along the way, you would think that from your pain you would have wanted the best for those you claimed to love" they say. I try to turn my back on my regret but I come face to face with more memories, I see their faces like the dead before my eyes, hallowed eye sockets spent out from trying to see past the surface of my bullshit and sorrow, they killed themselfs believing in me and I let them down and took them for granted, and here they are, reminding me of my errors unforgiving to my tears. Scorned to the point of malicious intent and merciless vengeance.
I beg you, release these grips upon me. Set me free and love me as I would love the world like I had never been hurt or scarred, and I will prove to you that I am not a lost cause.
current mood:  crazy
current music: NIN - Right where it belongs
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| Sunday, February 19th, 2006
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2:52 pm - Burn
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Did I say strange days at some point recently without realising it? If you wonder what I mean by this, everytime over the past few years that I said this shit, some fucked up mind raping shit has always happened. Only this time I dont remember saying it... I bet it was skat, at any rate i'll blame it on him anyway and leave it at that. Whilst lost in WoW a guild mate that... probably should remain anonymous, though if yer in the guild you know who it was, brought up a ghost... and her Myspace information. Now the interesting part about this is long ago, when I would get drunk to the point of forgetting what century I was in. I would search the ends of the earth for her.. I found her a few times, here and there, and at one point managed to get updated on how her life was progressing. I think I was happier with this than anything else. I never wanted to call her and even if I did I would have been far too afraid too, ontop of ... I just dont want to hurt her anymore, I know she said she erased me, but I know otherwise... I wish i could strip the memory of myself from her past. I wish I could grant an equal amount of joy back to her comparitive to how much I scarred her... Anyway im rambling.
To see the pictures of her... its as if she hasn't aged at all, its been 8 years and she looks exactly the same, only now she ........ has that look like she's haunted, or the madness of Taur urgas, cant really tell for sure. All I know is that I shouldn't have looked, I shouldn't have read her words, i shouldn't have looked at her pictures, but im overjoyed that I did, Im thrilled she's still alive, and living for herself.
I wish I could sleep, I wish I wouldn't dream. I wish you could see this.
"This trembling adored tousled birdmad girl"
"So slide back down and close your eyes, sleep awhile you must be tired."
I need to sleep, I feel insanity closing in, I guess that comes from 20 hours of straight world of warcraft with Pump up the volume on repeat in your DVD player. TALK HARD! I like that too. "are you out there poetry lady? Are you really that cool?"
On a sidenote my mom... is in jail....... again. *sigh* What the fuck is wrong with that woman? and why am I the one left here to care? How can *I* be the one with some warmth left in my heart for her... after everything, all the unforgivable things she's done... Why do I hang on? "Forgive but never forget" I guess im a sucker. But why does it seem so fucking easy for the rest of the world to hate each other and never forgive? Is the majority of the Human race really that cold? Is everyone turning into republicans? We only care about our assets, I'll kiss the ass of the boss that pays me, but FUCK the hands that serve me, or those who might look at me funny, or worship another religeon, or have more oil then I do, or prefer Ministry over NIN, or dance (not sure I can say this with a straight face) Old skool goth, instead of new skool bondage S&M Rivet wearing no ryhthm havin no heart possessing too many drugs injested style. *OK I guess I do have a certain distaste for the new generation of the dark wearing persuasion* But wtf happened to the romantic side of the darker generation? The beauty of the renaissance?
god dammit I need to sleep, good night, please forgive my ramblings
current mood:  exhausted
current music: The Cure - Burn
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| Saturday, February 11th, 2006
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5:17 am
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Silently the senses abandon their defenses.
Everything I ever really knew was either on a volleyball court, or a soccer field. At least what I knew so well that I never had to think about it. Such elation from being able to react without thought or even much concentration. Im not trying to be emo here, but it seems quite unfair that I would no longer be able to do either. I can barely walk up and down the stairs of my apartment. My jaw hurts really bad lately, because I grind my fucking teeth together so hard to force back the pain of walking. Im about a heart beat away from a cane, I should probably apply for disability. I was already basically photophoebic to begin with, always had to have the darkest sun glasses, always avoided light as much as I could. No I wasn't just "tragically gothic" The light really does affect my eyes in terrible ways, eye doctors love me. But since i've no longer been able to participate in sports either indoor or outdoor, it has gotten worse. The damn moon hurt my eyes to the point of tears the other night.
Then theres the other side of me, the ability of my brain. Unfortunately USF wont let me try that out. They pack that school with retards (many of students at USF are very intelligent people) But dear god man most of them can barely count. How many of my friends have I seen graduate from USF? How many of them were smarter then me? Im not gonna say I should have done this or I could have done that... cause to put it quite simply I didnt, o well life goes on.
I miss my sister, I miss my dad, and I miss my cat. But more then all I miss New Hampshire, I want quieter again, I wanna see EVERY star, to feel the dry crisp cold air on my face again, or the touch of snowflakes. I wanna be a pussy and attempt to run away from the memories of this place. I do not want them anymore, not the regret, nor the inability to repair or pay pentance for the wrongs of my past. I simply dont chose to live amongst those ghosts. I'll miss the friends that i've had for all these years, And the ones i've made recently. But god dammit for once im gonna be as selfish as many of you would think I am. Did you know I stayed here because I was asked to? That I could have left so long ago, that I could have been home away from all of these years, away from all those mistakes, of course there would have been others but life is designed around a dynamic of chance. Im sick of being blamed for the psychotic issues of certain ex's had I ever had the desire to invoke pain and suffering by christ I most definetly would have. And those of you who still believe that I took thousands of dollars from X girlfriend you can stuff that shit away right now, cause quite simply im done with hearing it. If you really wanna believe that, sell the shit your smoking and pay that imaginary debt off, cause your gonna get a fuck ton further. Next person that seriously attempts to dog me for some stupid bullshit that they hear from a scorned ex is gonna get decked. Im too old and way too bitter to be a part of such retarded beliefs. My mistakes and wrongs are always amplified to the point that they become myth and legend in some circles, but the sacrifices that I did make, the times i've bleed for friends, lost sleep, hours of council, hours of being a helping hand, or flat out supporting or standing in the forefront for their defense are always quickly forgotton, but once again what can I say? Such is life... Or better yet, FUCK YOU! If you do not wish to acknowledge me as your equal at the very least, dont talk to me. And dont give me the "I've had bad things happen to me too" Speech cause I swear to god that I would not switch places with an enemy as vengeance. I've become more angry and bitter because i realise more and more everyday that what I went through was some serious bullshit, some totally fucked in the ass bullshit. And I guess my sister was quicker to realise this then me, she's the coldest bitch I know, but dear god she's strong as hell. And she erased the past in a heart beat. I always tried to deal with it, to cope with it, to find some justification for all that shit, all those tears, all those YEARS of uncomfortable fright within my own house, mind, life, family. Every waking moment spent in fear of the next argument, conversation, bottle of wine, empty fridge, old ass tattered clothes to go to school in. Years of welfare and unemployment for my father, living as a family on 300 bucks every 2 weeks and 200 bucks in foodstamps a month in a house infested with fleas, constantly sick from bronchitis, pneumonia, strep. And heres another FUCK you to all you prick bastards that take so much pride in the fact that you work meaningless shit ass jobs and think that your fucking life is fulfilled. Try being employed under the table at 12, trying to help your damn dad pay the bills, and working as such until you fucking snap and leave at 14, 14!!! who the fuck makes decisions like that at 14, continuing to work to survive because you live with your sisters who's a waitress, I swept up fucking wood shavings 8 hours a day for 3.14 an hour, then a did a few too many drugs (gee fuck I wonder why?) and i left again, to be swept up in a new life in another state with no friends, and the same fucked up family situation that i originally left, cept this time I had no sister close to lean on... Instead of school i worked with my father and built houses, I've touched nearly every single 2 by 4 in meadow pointe. I helped my dad buy 3 trucks because my mom would get drunk and crash them all till the mazda (damn I miss that thing)
Nice i've managed to work myself up into a frenzy, I highly doubt anyone will even read this shit, let alone really understand what it means, they probably just brush it aside as some other Todd shit, but the next time you decide to make up your mind about me perhaps you might attempt to consider whats actually going through my mind on a daily basis, this ^^^^^^ Is the tip of the iceberg, there is so much more beneath it, but somehow I would feel cheapened revealing the other far darker things that force me into insomnia or the occasional bottle, to the likes of those that would not even attempt to relate or empathis
I guess what I really wanted to say, could have been reduced to save me so much more time, and you as well. Fuck you. Live like I lived, cry like I did, and hate like I do. And somehow find a depth within you for compassion or love like I did. Dont try to pull me down or force me to live amongst a stimga I will remove you from my life. I'm stronger then you'll ever know or want to be, perhaps the right word is harder.
p.s. Life is great, its never been better, somewhat haunted, but geee I wonder what types of things during this time of year might haunt me?
current mood: bitchy
current music: Music of the night - Phantom of the opera
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| Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
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11:41 am - Dreams/Nightmares
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I only really have 4 categories of dreams, two of them are nice and the other two are horrific. The nightmares are confusing, and I dont believe there is really anyway to analyze them. (Dont you think I would have by now?) The one the occurs, I would say, 50% of the year is about Zombies. I dont like to talk about it much, but whenever you see me going for long periods of time without sleep THIS is the reason why. The other is always a variety of futuristic hollocaust crap, that always ends badly. Think of Event Horizon and take out the cool parts (were there any?).
Of the two good dreams one can almost be considered a nightmare. Its not as bad as it used to be, but it still brings me pain. And Im sure if she were to ever know that it would give her a small bit of happiness. I wish I could stop having dreams about Christina its been 8 damn years, but I guess that regret is stronger then I am. I never thought leading up to it, and while I was with her, that I was doing something so terrible. I carry that shame around with me, and were I to see her I dont think I could look her in the eyes. If I still feel this way, I wouldn't want to see the damage below the surface. I know she's a healthy functioning successful adult, but had it not been for me she wouldn't have that damage inside. We're all damaged I know, but who wants to feel responsible for someone elses? I hadn't even seen a picture of her in 6 years till recently, and I cant look directly at her. Dreams are so cruel, why does the subconcious feel the desire to do such things to you? It can perfectly reproduce or create any possible situation. And when you wake up you feel like you've lost something... all over again. And the twisted part is, I know very well that I have and love Wendy very much.
The other dream category happens very randomly and very rarely, its just a collaboration of the random everyday dreams. Winning the lottery, falling, being home in New Hampshire in the snow. and so on and so forth.
I've lost the desire to say anything more, but too bad i'm a recluse I dont have to talk to anyone :) btw I left the house TWICE last week. Its not that I dont want to go out, I just prefer not to, the world if full of horrible people, that would jump at any opportunity to make someone elses life misereable and I would rather lower my chances of encountering such trash. Chase was right, Human's are evil and unguided. We're barely a step above chromagna man, we replaced clubs with better instruments to destroy each other. We have leaders who have agenda's. We seperated church and state and let the corporations in "The modern Religeon" And now we're here, but our leader brought church back. I cant wait to go home, I need to leave this graveyard behind.
Morkth 60 mage Mannoroth
Aravyn 60 Shadow priest Mannoroth
current mood: sad
current music: Enya Anarion
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| Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
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10:17 am
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And I will show that there is no imperfection in the present,
and can be none in the future,
And I will show that whatever happens to anybody it may be
turn'd to beautiful results,
And I will show that nothing can happen more beautiful than
death,
And I will thread a thread through my poems that time and
events are compact,
And that all things of the universe are perfect miracles,
each as profound as any.
I will not make poems with reference to parts,
But I will make poems, songs, thoughts, with reference to
ensemble,
And I will not sing with reference to a day, but with reference
to all days,
And I will not make a poem nor the least part of a poem but
has reference to the soul,
Because having look'd at the objects of the universe, I find there
is no one nor any particle of one but has reference to the soul.
Walt Whitman - Excert from Starting from Paumanok
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Have you reckon'd a thousand acres much? have you reckon'd
the earth much?
Have you practis'd so long to learn to read?
Have you felt so proud to get at the meaning of poems?
Stop this day and night with me and you shall possess the origin
of all poems,
You shall possess the good of the earth and sun, (there are
millions of suns left,)
You shall no longer take things at second or even third hand, nor look
through the eyes of the dead, nor feed on the spectres in
books,
You shall no longer look through my eyes either, nor take things
from me,
You shall listen to all sides and filter them from yourself.
W.W. Excerpt from Song of Myself
"not all those who wander are lost"
current mood:  thoughtful
current music: Evenstar
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| Tuesday, January 10th, 2006
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8:21 am
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Totally addicted
You are 89% Addicted!
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When the server's down, its like the end of the world. You check your
auctions before going to work, you love the game and everything it
involves. Remember that other game called real life? Its not any fun,
anyway! Keep it up! And remember, its just a game, but its the best
game ever! |
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My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 93% on addiction level |
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current mood: Frustrated (server down)
current music: bubbles in my coke can
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| Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
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10:51 am - ...
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Been trapped inside my own head too much lately... Its been bringing back some memories that I would rather live without. My greatest fear is that, everything i've ever known, and everything that is, is just some sick and twisted recurring dream brought on by a traumatic even I went through 10 years ago... its not so bad today, at least I can try to get it out and vent it. Maybe i've just lost sight of myself... Everything I was has changed, I dont know who I am lately. I guess I just need to relearn who I am once again. I dont like being around very many people, I dont play Guild wars or world of warcraft, nor do I have a desire to. I havent played volleyball in months, and once again I have absolutely no desire to. I have no idea what I want to do anymore. I think I need to get out of here for a while. Wendy and I are going to NH in Feb for our anniversary, and I at least gotta go to Seattle in June, but it doesn't seem like it will come quick enough. So anyway without dragging on, this song will sum it up, I know everyone who puts song lyrics in their LJ's No one ever actually reads the shit, but this one is pretty damn scary how much it sums this up.
Anyway, NIN - Right where it belongs
See the animal in it's cage that you built
Are you sure what side you're on
Better not look him too closely in the eye
Are you sure what side of the glass you are on
See the safety of the life you have built
Everything where it belongs
Feel the hollowness inside of your heart
And it's all
Right where it belongs
What if everything around you
Isn't quite as it seems
What if all the world you think you know
Is an elaborate dream
And if you look at your reflection
Is it all you wanted to be?
What if you could look right through the cracks
Would you find yourself
Find yourself afraid to see?
What if all the world's inside of your head
Just creations of your own
Your devils and your gods
All the living and the dead
And you really are alone..........
You can live in this illusion
You can choose to believe
You keep looking but you can't find the words
Are you hiding in the dreams?
So there it is folks, from the sound of that little tune, seems like Trent may have the same questions I do. Perhaps his questions come from disbelief?? Maybe he asks himself "Am I really this cool? or am I just god damn lucky at coming up with deep shit that people seem to relate to? Look at this house... this car... this life style... my fans, is it all just a dream?"
Goodnight may you all find a peace within yourself.
current mood:  scared
current music: NIN - Right where it belongs
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| Sunday, November 20th, 2005
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10:04 pm
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i cant sleep, havent been able to since friday. Im afraid something worse is going to happen, and im afraid that while Wendy is actually managing to get some sleep I wont be alert to protect her. I dont feel like explaining why, for personal reasons, not right now at least... some of you already know. I hate people, fucking scum of the earth, and this particular piece of trash needs to suffer a misereable life, and, everyone just like him needs to suffer a misereable life. Russell Hicks, that name will forever be synonymous with hatred. if i'd only stayed home...
The poor girl is in the fetal position right now, even if I wanted to sleep I wouldnt have any sheets... I hate this fucking world, i just want some peace. i'm so scared now, whats gonna happen next? everytime I think it can't get worse I get proved wrong... completly fucking wrong...
fuck it all
current mood: angry
current music: the ringing in my ears
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| Friday, November 11th, 2005
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2:59 am - Hmmm
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So, um. guess I havent really said much in a while, I suppose i've just been watching, listening... Not quite sure how to define how im feeling right now, honestly im thinking about so many things im not sure they have a name for this mood. I've been spending a lot of time with Steve lately. Its been refreshing, with the holidays coming we tend to lean on each other a lot. We've discovered that Steve suffers from the same insanity that I do while drinking Jager, I really wish they would ban that shit. 3 weeks from today I turn 26. Thats really been bothering me, gah fuck I dont know what else to say. I wish I could just sit here and rattle off about how much I hate the republican party right now, but anyone that follows it knows how much they've shot themselfs in the foot, and honestly with Colin in California I dont wanna talk about it.
God tim's coming home on Friday, we've known each other for 13 years, and the party is gonna be nuts... but strangely all I keep thinking about is who is gonna be there and how long we've known each other. Rob and glen 8 years, Steve 10 years, Tim 13 years, skat 9 years.
"All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow"
God guys, how many stories will we toss at each other on saturday? Late night fishing trips to the skyway? Smirnoff 904 in naples? The hotties of miami? I even hope Phil Michaels will be there, I guess thats what this thread is, a reflection of sorts, of the times we spent together... I guess I cant wait till saturday when we're all drunk, I wanna get it down.
(warning incoming story telling)
So this one time, when I was 17, Tim and I are driving back to my girlfriends house at USF in tims DEATH FORD. In the back is an extremely tired Lisa. Yes Robs little sister, to spice up our evening as we drove through USF, we decided to take a speed bump at maximum speed :) The poor girl got airborne. Another good memory of Tim takes place in Ybor, we're 18 at this point, we went out to the castle and the edge, long story short, our crew got me HAMMERED, david and I almost died of alcohol poisoning. but the best part was tim and christina getting me back to the DEATH FORD, and me leaning over to feel up my girlfriend, only to discover............ that it was tim. YOUR SLEEVE WAS SOOOOOOO SOFT BRO!!!
Rob, NO GOOD CAN COME OF SATURDAY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING!!!!! lol, So this one time, we get drunk (geee didnt see that coming did you?) ITs a shit load of us, dunno why we were drinking, it was probably tuesday or something. But Rob gets the bright idea that he wants breakfast, AND FOLLOWS THAT BRIGHT IDEA UP WITH DENNYS!!! This shit is hard enough to keep down sober, long story short, we get back to Skats place *HOLD THAT THOUGHT* This was the night rob came up from miami and brought A MOTHER FUCKING BOX O PORN, and rob proceeds to yack his breakfast up right outside phils window, it came up....... looking exactly as it did when it went down, AND I SWEAR TO CHRIST IT LANDED THE SAME WAY IT WAS ON THE PLATE.
Which leads into Glen Rob, and Skat for this one. They drive to my crib in naples, Todd had been up for 48 hours, Todd hadn't eaten in 24 hours, Todd Drank a quarter of a bottle of smirnoff 904 and nearly died, I was still drunk 16 hours later. Glen carried me to my bed :) he was an angel as he THREW ME ONTO IT AND BEGAN TO SNORE LIKE A LUMBERJACK RIGHT NEXT TO ME, and ... when I rolled over... to try and not hear the snoring (which has amazing mental acoustics when your hammered) I had to deal with ROB SAWIN LOGS!!!, I wouldn't trade that night for anything... not a god damn thing. HEY MEXICANS LOOK OUT BELOW!!!! YO QUERO VOMIT???!!!! BLEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Skat... damn prophecy, dante, kevin smith, MU, DUDE I SMOKE A LOT OF POT AND I LOVE SKA MUSIC... THE HORNS I LOVE THE FUCKIN HORNS, this coming from a guy who smokes marlboro light 100's and drinks his tea with cream, Climbatize, EXIT, NO EXIT, Bono, Laine, Todd *the head* Keller, operation burn blanky *THATS FOR EVERYONE THAT WAS INVOLVED* dressed up with no where to go, I dont get the bee, greeeen emerald chains and saphire bracers, Jeff.... word of recall failed, Things which are repeated are pleasing, Gibson our fez before that 70's show, scottish accents and raising our kilts, the summer of Kathleen, lakeview oaks, seeing you and rob dance at the castle for the first time, seeing glen dance for the first time, You played satan for me at the castle the night I turned 21 :)... so many memories brother.
Steve, wow... um... dude, I would have to make a new post, so let me ATTEMPT to find a highlight, heheh you me and skat in the car the night that dude tried to race you and he crashed into the reeves cadillac sign. "Even when I lose I still win" Doing our lines for exit for the 40450934985039485092th time and finally giving up and doing it in any and every voice imaginable. GOD DAMMIT SKAT WHY DIDNT YOU ROLL FILM THAT NIGHT... Or Skat making steve do the head around the corner trick, OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. How does it feel to be duct taped to a wheel chair? "not very good actually" The fact that you call me Murph and to this day, none of us can really figure out why lol. Building a bone fire with kerosene the first night we ever hung out, or you thinking that I was a christian. Or... "Dude, why dont we just rob manuel?" lol Getting dressed up in suits to go to the mall in the middle of summer in a car with NO ac and only ONE window went down..... yours, so that we could play house of the dead for hours and hours. Or driving to new hampshire in the middle of winter in the same car that had NO HEAT, and nearly freezing to death, I hit the guardrail at 90 mph on cruise control cause I fell asleep, and after we bounced 2 lanes and I saved the car and us from death you asked. "are you ok?" You then drove to the New Jersey turnpike and pulled off, I briefly woke up and said where are we? "New jersey" WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU STOP FOR? he then placed my gun in my lap, and apparently i fell asleep instantly and snuggled with it. We climbed a mountain in the middle of march in an ice storm, and managed to trigger the alarm for one of the biggest houses in the country... and on
and on. I love you all so very much, through all my good times and bad you were all there in some way shape or form, I hope you all can appreciate who i've become, and take me for what I've become. I hope you understand that there were a lot of things from my childhood that made me crazy, things that I didnt share with anyone but Steve... some things still remain hidden, I dont blame my life for those things now, I dont hide behind them as an excuse to fuck up, i've already done all that, im comfortable with it all now... God knows it took wendy years to fully understand it all, but she had help, she knows my mother my father and my sister.
Blah LETS GET PISSED!!!!!!!! TOGA TOGA TOGA
current mood:  Distracted
current music: Gary Jules - Mad world
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morkth's journal